Prince Edward wore seven medals at a ceremony despite dropping out of the Royal Marines please log in to view this image
It's strange to see so many tattoos on professional footballers (soccer) considering how low their pain threshold is!
Last month, a worldwide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" Sadly, the survey was a failure because: In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. And in the UK, everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent
A blonde woman looking to earn some extra cash knocks on the door of a house. The owner answers the door and the woman asks if there’s any odd jobs you need doing around the house. “Wait a minute” he says to the woman, “Here’s a can of paint and a brush, you can paint the porch. One hour later the blonde woman knocks on the door, the owner opens the door “What, finished already? He asks “Yes, and enough paint for 2 coats” the woman replies …… “By the way”, she says, “it’s not a Porsche, it’s a Ferrari” …………
Yesterday, a 45-year-old man was going to bed heard thieves in his garage. He called the police. Unfortunately, the officer on the phone told him they don't have any police officers free at the moment. The guy hung up and then called again in a moment and tells the officer: - it’s about these thieves in my garage. Don't bother coming anymore Ive shot them. After literally 2 minutes, 4 police cars, Armed response, counter terrorists, ambulances,..... Thieves were obviously caught. Police officers had a chat with the gentleman Officer says - “ You said you shot them! “ Gentlemen - “ And you said you don't have a free police car “ ..
A French policeman stopped an Englishman's car and asks if he has been drinking. With great difficulty ( being totally as pissed as a fart ), the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married that morning, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception, and many single malts scotches thereafter. Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcohol-test (breath test) the Englishman and verifies that he is indeed totally sloshed out of his head. He asks the Englishman if he knows why, under French Law, he is going to be arrested. The Englishman answers with a bit of humour. "No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you realize that this is a British car and that my wife is driving on the other side?"
Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding -- with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand re-opening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground! After the brothel burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer." But late last week 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church......"was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business -- either through direct or indirect divine actions or means." In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and vociferously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise. The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer.... and an entire church congregation that thinks it's all bullshit."
The police knocked on my door this morning. "Do the letters H.B mean anything to you?" they asked. "No," I said. "What about G.D. then?" "Nope means nothing to me," I said "How about A.J?" "Look," I said, "am I suspected of something?" "Not at all sir," they said, "we're just making some initial inquiries."
