When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know. When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass. Then a man approached me and said, "Enjoy life son, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it." Then he passed his hand over my head and left. My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me! I was so traumatized I couldn't sleep properly. I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone. I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years. I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years. It got better as I aged, but would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear. Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life. The dead bastard had a twin.
A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for £250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day. The next day though, the farmer turned up at Tommy's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died." Tommy replied, "Well, then just give me my money back. That's fine." The farmer said, "Sorry, I can't do that. I went and spent it already." Tommy then said, "Okay, then, just bring me the dead horse." The farmer was surprised and asked Tommy, "Why? What ya gonna do with him?" Tommy replied, "I’m going to raffle him off." The farmer laughed and said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse! Who'd buy a ticket?" Tommy answered, "Sure I can, just watch me. I just won't tell anybody the horse is dead." A month later, the farmer met up with Tommy again and asked, "What happened with that dead horse in the end. Did you raffle him off?" Tommy said, "I sure did. I sold 500 tickets at £5 a piece." The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?" Tommy smiled and said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £5 back."
