Two blokes are in hospital in adjoining beds, waiting to go into theatre One says to the other “What you in for”? The other replies “Endoscopy” “What’s that then”? the first bloke asks. “They’ll send a camera down my throat into my stomach and look for things like ulcers or even cancers. What you in for”? replies the second bloke. “Camera up my bum" says the first bloke. “Do you mean a Colonoscopy”? says the second bloke “Nah”, says the first bloke, “The missus caught me taking pictures of the next door neighbour sunbathing nude in her back garden”
I have a problem I need some advice on, I suspected my wife was seeing someone else, the usual signs, I pick the phone up when someone rings and they hang up, she has been going out a lot with the girls. I decided last night to hide behind the shed where I keep my boat and wait for her to come home, a car pulled up and she got out, buttoning up her top and then she took her pants from her bag and put them on. It was at that moment crouched behind boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket . Is it that something that can be welded, or do I have to replace the whole bracket ?
A blonde was on holiday and driving through Darwin. She desperately wanted to take home a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own crocodile, so I can get a pair of shoes for free". The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try"! The blonde headed out toward the river, determined to catch a crocodile! Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the river bank where he spots the same young blonde woman standing waist deep in the murky water, a shotgun in her hand Just then, he spots a huge 3 metre croc swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy banks of the river. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled and flipped the Croc onto it's back - Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out......... " ****! ****! ****! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO"!
