The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about this for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yep, that's me." God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?" Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention too: 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions; 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds; 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft, and wobble too much; 4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust; 5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!" "Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to His Celestial supercomputer, typed in some key words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours.
Old Muldoon, lived alone in the Irish countryside with only his faithful pet dog Benji for company: Sadly one day his beloved dog died and Muldoon went to the parish priest to tell him and said. "Faither, my beloved dog and best Benji just passed away. "Could ya' be saying a Mass for the poor creature Faither?" Sadly shaking his head father Patrick put his hand on Muldoon's shoulder and replied. "I'm afraid not my friend. Sadly the Vatican rules do not allow us, we cannot have church services for an animal. But there are some Baptists down the lane and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll be able to do something for the poor creature." Muldoon stood up thanked the priest, shook hands and said. "That's a shame Faither to be sure. But thanks fur the suggestion about them Baptists, i'll go an check wi them right away Faither. Do ya think £5,000 wid be enough tae gi tae them fur the service or should I offer some mair?" Father Patrick exclaimed. "Bejaysus, Sweet Mary Mother of Jesus Muldoon! Why the hell didn't ya tell me the dog was a Catholic?"
Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin, drew a picture of a wine glass, and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band packed up. Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.
