Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Six.” Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven!” Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!” Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”
Jose Mourinho gets a letter delivered to his house in Rome. Opens it, it's an electricity bill for £17,000 forwarded on from Manchester United Football Club.. He rings the club, "I think there's been a mistake, you sent me a bill but I haven't worked for you for years." No Jose sorry, but there’s no mistake...... You were the last person in the trophy room in 2017 and you left the fu*king light on!"
It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea. He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked, 'Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?' The meteorologist responded, 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite Cold.' So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.' The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' he asked. 'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.' 'How can you be so sure?' the elder asked. The weatherman replied, 'Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign.'
A client phoned the help desk to say their computer wasn't working. The screen was totally blank. After some initial checks that didn't work the engineer said that they would have to check the plug. The client got under the desk but complained that it was very dark. The technician suggested that the light should be turned on. The client said that that was not possible as they had a power cut. The technician then said, or so the story goes, "This could be serious. Can you box up the computer and send it back to us. Oh! and put a note in it saying that it is an ID 10T operating problem."
Little Johnny, Billy, and Tommy were walking home from school one warm spring day. As they were cutting through the alleys and backyards, They happened to look through a hole in the fence of one of the yards where a woman was sunbathing in the nude. As they looked through the hole, Johnny suddenly started to scream, left his friends and took off running for home. The next day, as the three boys came home again, they found the same hole in the fence and started to watch the woman. Again, after just a few minutes, Johnny started screaming and ran off quickly. On the third day, the boys were peeping into the hole in the fence again after school, when Johnny turned around and started to run again. But this time, Bill and Tommy grabbed him and demanded to know what was wrong. Johnny replied, “My mother told me that if I ever looked at a naked woman, I would turn to stone… And I started to feel a part of me getting awfully hard!
Can't believe what I saw in McDonald's today. An old man ordered one burger, fries and a drink. He unwrapped the burger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries dividing them into two piles placing one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then put the cup in between them. As he began to eat his few bites of burger the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously thinking 'That poor old couple, all they can afford is one meal between them.' A young lad came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the couple. The old bloke said "We are just fine, just used to sharing everything" a People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young lad came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old lady said 'No thank you love, we are used to sharing everything.' Finally, as the old fella finished wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young lad again went over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?' She answered "THE TEETH"
