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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #23221
    antipodean exile, May 18, 2022
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    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #23222
    antipodean exile, May 18, 2022
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #23223
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2022
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.
    The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
    The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.
    The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
    The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
    The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up.
     
    #23224
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2022
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #23225
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2022
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #23226
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2022
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #23227
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2022
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #23228
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2022
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #23229
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2022
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #23230
    antipodean exile, May 19, 2022
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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #23231
    antipodean exile, May 19, 2022
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #23232
    antipodean exile, May 19, 2022
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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
    She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
    "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
    "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar, your honour" she responded.
    "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
    "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
    He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
    "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
    "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
    "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
    "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
    "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
    Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
    "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He says he just can't communicate with me!
     
    #23233
    antipodean exile, May 19, 2022
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #23234
    antipodean exile, May 19, 2022
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  15. antipodean exile

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    #23235
    antipodean exile, May 19, 2022
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  16. antipodean exile

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    #23236
    antipodean exile, May 19, 2022
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    #23237
    antipodean exile, May 19, 2022
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  18. antipodean exile

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    #23238
    antipodean exile, May 19, 2022
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  19. antipodean exile

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    #23239
    antipodean exile, May 19, 2022
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  20. antipodean exile

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    #23240
    antipodean exile, May 19, 2022
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