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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
    After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the 'miracle' products, she asked, 'Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?'
    Looking over her carefully, Harold replied, 'Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five.'
    'Oh, you flatterer!' she gushed.
    'Hey, wait a minute!' Harold interrupted. 'I haven't added them up yet.'
    That was the last thing he remembered before waking up in hospital bed.
    Hospital visiting hours are 9am to 6pm.
     
    #23021
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  2. Wooperts_duck

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  3. Wooperts_duck

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  4. Wooperts_duck

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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The wife was moaning that summer was coming and that she needed a whole new wardrobe.

    So i took her to ikea
     
    #23025
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  6. antipodean exile

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  7. antipodean exile

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  8. antipodean exile

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  9. antipodean exile

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  11. antipodean exile

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  14. antipodean exile

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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    Jack is on his death bed, and he says to his wife, "Can you give me one last wish?"

    She says, "Anything you want." He says, "After I die, will you marry Larry?"

    She says, "But I thought you hated Larry." With his last breath, he says, "I do."
     
    #23035
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  16. Wooperts_duck

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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    After the judge sentenced Boris Becker to 2½ years he asked her how many months that was.

    She told him "That's 30 Love".
     
    #23037
  18. Wooperts_duck

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  19. Wooperts_duck

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  20. Wooperts_duck

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