So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said: 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said: "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said: 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. A policeman came up and said: 'What happened to you?' and I said: 'I careered off the road'.
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'. The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied stripper... Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God..'.
A bouncer is checking IDs at the door of Pats Bar and spots a horribly drunk man stumbling up to him. Before the drunk man says anything the bouncer turns him away by letting him know he's too drunk to be let in. Drunk guy is nice about it, nods to the bouncer and walks off. Moments later the bouncer sees the side door of the bar open and close. He goes over to check it out only to notice the same drunk man. The bouncer then says to the man "I just told you, you're too drunk to be let in! Go home will ye!" The drunk man looks at him with a bit of disbelief but nods his head and leaves the way he came in. A few more moments go by while the bouncer is surveying the bar he notices the back door open and close. Upon inspecting the door sure enough it's the same drunk guy. This time a bit more upset he grabs the drunk and tells him "listen, I've already told you no twice. Get the hell out!" to which the drunk man looks at him with a bit of annoyance and responds "How many f please log in to view this image cking bars do you work at?!?"
