A Jordanesq type, was worried about the amount of dents in her car, so she took it to her local garage. The mechanic thought he’d have a bit off fun and told her she could solve the problem herself by blowing up the exhaust pipe. Thanking the mechanic for saving her money; she returned home to set about removing the dents. She was smart enough to let the pipe cool down before performing the task. When it was cool enough, she got her lips round it and started to blow for all she was worth. After a time, her blonde neighbour come out and asked her what she was doing. “I’m blowin’ the dents outa ov the body aint I.” She informed her neighbour. “Don’t be stupid!” said the blonde neighbour. “You’re supposed to wind the windows up first, else it won’t work will it!”
Just finished decorating my bonnet for Easter. I've covered it in chicks and eggs and bunnies. Car's failed the MOT now though.
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, "They're right behind you!".........
A Cardiff fan and a Swansea fan were driving head on, one night and their cars collide. To their amazement, neither is hurt but both cars are destroyed. In celebration of their good luck, they agree to put their differences aside from that moment on and the Swansea fan goes to the boot of his car and fetches a 12 year old bottle of whisky. He hands it to the Cardiff fan who exclaims "may the Swansea and Cardiff fans live together, forever, in peace and harmony", then gulps down half the bottle. He goes to hand the bottle to the Swansea fan, who replies, "No, thanks, I'll just wait until the police get here, you Cardiff Bastard ”…
NEWS: Police were called to Tesco’s Watford this morning as a fight broke out in the toilet roll aisle. A police spokesperson said that they managed to calm the situation, and just one shopper has been left with soft tissue damage.
A Priest gets into a bus and sits next to a drunk guy : The guy looks at the Priest and asks " Father , what is Arthritis " The Priest thinks he'll give the drunk a lesson today : Arthritis is someone that indulges in Alcohol , Drugs , Prostitutes , Promiscuity , basically everything that is bad for you : The Drunk turns back to he's paper and goes on reading : Just as the Priest is about to get up for his Stop , He turns to the Drunk and asks , " How long have you had Arthritis " The Drunk says "I haven't got Arthritis , the paper says the Pope has Arthritis.
