The man who makes the giant eclairs at our local patisserie is retiring next week. There be some pretty big chouxs to fill when he goes......
I first met my girlfriend on a village green! There were marquees, food stalls, tug of war and a tombola Fete brought us together...
My mother in law is a big woman, she got run over last week. The driver said he had enough room to get round her. But he didn't have enough petrol....
I got fired from the hospital for stealing neck braces. At least I could leave with my head held high...
A minister was completing a temperance sermon: With great emphasis he said. "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said. "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said. "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he sat down..... The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile nearly laughing. "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, Shall We Gather at the River."
The only cow in a small town in Scotland stopped giving milk. The town folk found they could buy a cow in Wales quite cheaply. They bought the cow from Wales and it was wonderful, produced lots of milk every day, and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward, they said. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts from the one side, she walks away to the other side. "The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking: "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wales? "The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Wales. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Wales?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Wales"
So this fella had been working at a building site. Every day, he walked off site with his wheelbarrow, and 'Security' checked that it was empty before he left. After 6 months the end his contract, he walked out without his wheelbarrow. 'Security' stopped him and said: "Come on, I just know that you've been nicking something. What was it?" "Wheelbarrows" came the reply.
