A heart warming story:- Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant My six-year-old grandson asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food we ate - and I would even thank you more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. Amen!" Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard one woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!" Hearing this, my grandson got most upset and asked me, "Did I do it all wrong Pa? Is God cross with me?" As I assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my grandson and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?" my grandson replied. "Cross my heart," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes." Naturally, I bought my grandchildren their ice cream. My Grandson stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember for the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Shove it up your arse you grumpy old bitch!"
Try saying beer can, without sounding like somebody from Jamaica ordering what they want on their bap in the morning.
Things Confucius did not say……but wishes he did: Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient. Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly. Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent. Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts. Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion. Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted. Man who eats many prunes get good run for money. War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left. Man who fights with wife all day get no piece at night. It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it. Man who drives like hell is bound to get there. Man who stands on toilet is high on pot. Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room. Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement. And, Confucius Did Not Say. . . "A lion will not cheat on his wife, but Tiger Wood"
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night........
