Off Topic Jokes thread

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A young man with his pants hanging half off his arse, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the jobcentre
to sign some paperwork.
He marched up to the counter and said,
"Hi. You know, I just H A T E signing on I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage
of the system, getting something for nothing and all that."
The dwp officer behind the counter said,
"Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2015 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say
but you will also have to, as part of your job, satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said,
"You're bullshittin' me!"
The DWP worker said,
"Yeah, well...
You started it." .....

 

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I just bought a book on how to stop procrastinating.

I’m going to read it tomorrow…... or possibly the day after…...... maybe next week…

 

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