I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 61 year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double. What's that i asked. It’s a mother and daughter threesome, she said. I said, No, really excitedly. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was My Lucky Night. So I went back to her place. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: Mum, you still awake……..
Elvis Presley's coffin was made of oak and took three weeks to construct. John Lennon's coffin was made of pine and took ten days to construct. Gene Pitney's 24 hours, from balsa....
I just saw this fella steal some flowers and the woman from the shop was running after him. I thought I'd encourage her.. So I shouted.... Run Florist, Run!!..
When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
I went to the pub today and asked for a glass of orange squash. The barman and the lads started laughing, called me a wimp and took the piss. I said, " You'd drink squash too if you had what i have"... The barman looked concerned, "Oh sorry mate, I didn't realise something was wrong. What have u got?" "50 pence" I replied."
