Last night, someone broke in to our house and took a dozen eggs. They also left a saucepan filled with warm water. Police believe it was poachers.
When I turned 16, my dad told me it was time to get a job. “When I was your age, my very first job I had I worked with over 500 people under me” “Wow,” I asked. “Did you work in some big corporation?” “No!” He said, “I mowed the lawn in a cemetery”
Paddy's New years Eve's firework party was a complete disaster. "I don't understand it!" He said." "They all worked fine when I tried them yesterday."
My mates 4 year old daughter cant even say thank you in Spanish. I mean, ya gotta admit, thats poor for four.
Taxi and Drunk Passengers.. After picking them up, the cab driver quickly realized his passengers were drunk, so he decided to have a little fun. He started the engine, let it idle for a few minutes, and then turned it off. With a straight face, he turned to his passengers and said, "We're here! You've arrived at your destination!" The first guy fumbled for his wallet, handed the driver some cash, and stumbled out of the car. The second passenger thanked him as he followed suit, handing him his fare. But the third man suddenly leaned in and slapped the cab driver across the face! Shocked, the driver thought, "Maybe this one wasn't as drunk as I thought!" "Hey, what was that for?" he protested, rubbing his sore cheek. The third guy slurred, "Watch your speed next time! You almost got us all killed!"
I thought I broke my ankle last night when I tripped over a box of Kleenex. But the doctor said it's only tissue damage...
I’ve just eaten 7 cans of Alphabetti Spaghetti… I’m trying to break the record for the world’s biggest vowel movement!
Plastic surgery used to be a taboo subject. Nowadays you talk about botox and no one raises an eyebrow.....
