The downside of having a Son who is a Bomb Disposal Technician. It took him Nine Hours to Open his Christmas Presents last year.
A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home. 1st kid says "A computer". Teacher replies "That'd be very useful." 2nd kid says "A new lawn mower" and gets a similar response. Little Johnny pops up and says: " At my house we don't need anything." The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something. Little Johnny replies, "Nope I'm sure! When my sister started dating a Scouser, I remember dad saying,"Well, that's the last f...ing thing we need!!!"
I met some chess enthusiasts in a hotel lobby recently. They just kept bragging about how good they were at the game. There's nothing worse than chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
Saw my doctor today, he said "What's the problem?" I said "I keep feeling like I'm an ocean" He said, "Can you be more pacific?"
An elderly man was telling his neighbour "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand pounds, it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbour . "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty." He replied
Will miss my dad this Christmas. I know he'll be up there, looking down at us all. Moaning about the broken stairlift…
I was shopping in town today and stopped a woman in the street. "Excuse me love....., have you any idea where I can get a decent jumper??" "Have you tried Fat Face??"... she replied. "Good idea..," I said. "Do you know anywhere??".... I said, turning to my wife please log in to view this image please log in to view this image
