JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

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Santa arrives at the Calais child migrant's Christmas party.

 

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When you write a letter to Satan instead of Santa asking for a puppy.

 

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The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded "The living one"

 

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Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in

dat cage up dere,' says Gerry..

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass..

At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place..'

He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on

each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and

Gerry falls all the way to the bottom,



killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Feck dat, dis budgie jumping is too feck'n dangerous for me!'





THERE'S MORE. ...







Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of

the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other..

'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.

He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.

He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.

Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun

and shoots the parrot.

Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he

hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'



IT IS NOT OVER YET....






Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends

when Sean appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a

cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls

himself off the cliff and disappears down and down

until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head. 'Feck dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his

budgie jumping,

den Seamus parrotshooting...

And now Sean and his

feck'n hengliding!'

 

The daughter mentions to her Dad, "Dad, there is something that my
boyfriend said to me that I didn't understand. He is SOooo in to his
cars and said that I have “a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a
fantastic bumper."
Her Dad replied, "You tell your boyfriend that, if he opens your hood
and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his lug nuts
so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking oil
out of his exhaust pipe."

 

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My wife told me she enjoyed sex best whilst on holiday, not the best postcard I have ever received to be honest!

 

they had one job

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formula 1s new grid girls

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