A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "S---, I missed." The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again. "S---, I missed." "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly. The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed. Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that." On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "S---, I missed." A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks. And from the sky comes a booming voice ....... "S---, I missed."
Charley, a new retired-greeter at B&Q, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. “Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-on job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome.” “Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it.” “Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear”. “Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder”. Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “I know you’re retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?” The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, “They usually saluted and said, “Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir”?
