Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair lastnight, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The Conservatives have pledged to invest in Merseyside and create 100,000 jobs if they win the election. The Labour Party now regard Liverpool as a safe seat!
Women are like cheese. They come in different shapes, colours, and with various sized holes. Mature one's have blue veins running through them. And they always go down easier with wine.
Choosing who to vote for is like having to choose a sexually transmitted disease. They're all unpleasant and some are worse than others, but you really don't want any of them!
A guy goes to Moscow on business, the first night he picks up a hooker in the Hotel Bar and takes her back to his room. Being a hooker he"s not expecting much, but as they"re going at it she starts moaning, he starts pumping for all he"s worth and she starts squealing. he"s really getting into it now, banging like the proverbial sh*thouse door and she starts screaming. Afterwards, she"s shattered, she drags herself to her feet, takes the money and says "Mushka, Mushka". "She must have loved that and is telling me well done" the guys thinks. Next day he meets his business contact, and they go off for a round of golf, the Russian tees off first, he hits a screamer right down the middle of the fairway, 300 yards, a perfect shot. Keen to impress, the tourist wants to use the little Russian he knows, so he says "Mushka, Mushka". The Russian looks at him and says "What do you mean wrong hole?"
Plymouth Argyle have just announced the discovery of a natural spring under their Home Park pitch. They're bottling it...........
