This Big Game Hunter walked into the Bar and bragged to everyone about his Hunting Skills. The man was undoubtedly a Good Shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said, "That they could Blindfold him and he would recognize any Animal's Skin from its Feel, and if he could Locate the Bullet Hole he would even tell them what Caliber the Bullet was, that Killed the Animal..??? The Hunter said that he was willing to prove it. If they would put up the Drinks, and so the Bet was on. They Blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first Animal Skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "BEAR".. Then he felt the Bullet Hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 Rifle." And he was right. They brought him another Skin, one that someone had in their Car Trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "ELK, shot with a 7mm Mag Rifle." Again he was right. Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a Round of Drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind,and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had One Hell of a Shiner. He said to his Wife, "I know I was Drunk last night, but Not Drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this Black-Eye"..??? His Wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into Bed and put your hand down my Panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, “SKUNK, killed with a ****ing big AXE”..
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
David Beckham gets into a taxi at Qatar airport, he sees the driver looking at him for about 5 minutes in the rear view mirror. Eventually the driver says “ok, give us a clue then?” Beckham sigh's and replies “well I had a glittering career for Man United, married a Spice Girl and played over 100 times for England, is that enough?”. Driver says “no you thick c*nt, where are you going!?”
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied... "Well your Honour, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honour, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident".. ..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!"
A woman home alone, answers a knock on the door to a man who just stood there and asked, "Do you have a vagina?" She slams the door in disgust and tells her husband that night when he got home from work. The next morning she answers a knock on the door. Its the same man and he asks the same question. "Do you have a vagina?" Once again she slams the door. She immediately gets on the phone and rings her husband at work. He tells her he will take the day off tomorrow just in case the man shows up a third time. The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both make for the door. The husband whispers to his wife, "Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to tell him yes to his question, because I want to a see where he's going with this." She nods, a yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there. He asks, "Do you have a vagina?" "Yes I do." says the lady. The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"
Bob went to doctors clinic for checkup, and the nurse asked him to remove his clothing and put on a gown to be checked by the doctor. “In front of you?” He asks. The nurse says: “Well no, but I’ve seen the human body before. The man said, “Not one like mine. You’d probably laugh at my body.” “Of course I won’t laugh,” said the Nurse, “I’m a professional, and in over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.” “Okay then,” said the patient, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing a huge male body with the smallest adult male organ the Nurse had ever seen in her life. In length and width it was almost identical to a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the Nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out, and then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man’s private part, she composed herself as well as she could. “I am so sorry,” she said, “I don’t know what came over me. I promise that it won’t happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem ? “It’s swollen” Bob replied. She ran out of the room.
