Joe wanted to buy a Harley motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it...... The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in mint condition...... He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years...... 'Well, it's quite simple,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.It protects it from the rain, and he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline..... That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there..... Just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family..... 'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes..... "No problem"... He says.. And in they go.... Joe is shocked.Right in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes..... In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks dirty dishes..... They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word..... As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation..... He leans over and kisses Sandra..... No one says a word..... He reaches over and fondles her breasts. Nobody says a word..... So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table and screws her, right there in front of her parents...... His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word..... He looks at her mum. She's got a great body too..... Joe grabs mom, bends her over the table, pulls down her panties, and screws her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table. She has a big orgasm, an Joe sits down.... His girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and Mum is beaming from ear to ear. But still.....Total silence..... All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain..... Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket..... Suddenly the father shouts. I'll do the ****in’ dishes.....!!
I man walks into a bar looking depressed The bartender asks what’s up The man replied I’ve just caught my wife having sex with my best friend What did you do I told her to get out And what about your best friend I looked him square in the eyes and said BAD DOG
One day a bus driver went to the bus garage started his bus and drove off along the route. No problem for the first few stops, a few people got on, a few got off and things went generally well. At the next stop, however,a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet height, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, “ Big John doesn't have to pay! The driver was five feet three,thin, and basically meek. Naturally,he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened. Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that.. This went on and the driver started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building course, karate, judo and all that stuff. By the end of the summer,he had become quite strong and the big thing is that he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday when Big John once again got on the bus and said, “Big John doesn't pay!” The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger and screamed, “And why not?” With a surprised look on his face Big John replied, “ Big John has a bus pass."
In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm me! I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood. What do you say to that?" The Englishman lowered his newspaper, looks over his glasses and replied, *"How very sporting of your mother!"*
Hold it firmly in your hand Put it in your mouth Lick it to straighten it If that doesn’t work suck it Now you can put it in the hole Threading a needle is so hard
