An old lady goes to the doctors and says I have a problem passing gas but they are silent and don’t smell In fact I’ve done it a few times here already the doctor gave her some pills and told her to come in two weeks She kept the appointment and said to the doctor I don’t what those pills where but now my farts smell of old rotten fish the doc replied That’s good Now we have sorted your sineses out we can work on you hearing
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem... A few days later he receives a parcel with a note.. "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate"... The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint... A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says, "Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monks habit... The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part"... Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company a scathing letter of complaint... The couple days later he receives a small parcel and a note which reads, "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a jar of caramel. Pour the jar of raspberry caramel over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a toffee apple"
I was laying in a hospital bed and a hot female nurse came over, and told me to strip as it was time for my bed bath. As she washed me down, she got to washing my knob and balls she said "So what are you in for then ? I said "My Dad has just gone to theatre and I was having a lie down on his bed
I went out with my wife to a fancy restaurant last night and she kept insisting on paying for the meal... I said, "Don't be stupid, we're half way down the road now. Just keep f*cking running!"
