Brilliant. We're at the point now where I can no longer tell whether these things are a piss take or not
A 55 year old woman is at home, naked, happily jumping on her bed & squealing with delight. Husband watches & asks "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look . . . . what's the matter with you ?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed & says "I don't care what you think. I just had a mammogram and the doctor said that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year old." The husband replies "What did he say about your 55 year old arse ?" "He never mentioned you" she replied
So I was walking in the jungle today and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes... I turned to a local tribesman and said: “That lizards really funny!” The tribesman replied: “That’s not a lizard... He’s a stand up chameleon...”
My wife recently told me: "We'd have less arguments if you weren't so pedantic". I replied, "Don't you mean 'fewer'?"
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink”. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon, however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
