A blonde woman looking to earn some extra cash knocks on the door of a house. The owner answers the door and the woman asks if there’s any odd jobs you need doing around the house. “Wait a minute” he says to the woman, “Here’s a can of paint and a brush, you can paint the porch. One hour later the blonde woman knocks on the door, the owner opens the door “What, finished already? He asks “Yes, and enough paint for 2 coats” the woman replies …… “By the way”, she says, “it’s not a Porsche, it’s a Ferrari” …………
Yesterday, a 45-year-old man was going to bed heard thieves in his garage. He called the police. Unfortunately, the officer on the phone told him they don't have any police officers free at the moment. The guy hung up and then called again in a moment and tells the officer: - it’s about these thieves in my garage. Don't bother coming anymore Ive shot them. After literally 2 minutes, 4 police cars, Armed response, counter terrorists, ambulances,..... Thieves were obviously caught. Police officers had a chat with the gentleman Officer says - “ You said you shot them! “ Gentlemen - “ And you said you don't have a free police car “ ..
The meeting between Boris and Gove last night was like a film from the forties, ambitious young executive works his way to the top and then throws it all away from being addicted to drink, drugs and loose women, after he has lost everything his old school chum goes to him with a bottle of whiskey and a loaded revolver There is no way out of this mess my friend time to do the honourable thing old boy and hands him the whiskey and revolver Boris takes the bottle, takes a couple of swigs, picks up the revolver, cocks the hammer and shoots Gove in the balls
