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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

Page 661 of 865
  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Scotland play Ukraine next week in a World Cup qualifier. Virtually the whole of Europe will be supporting the country that has suffered so much torment at the hands of an immoral leader.

    On the other hand, I'm sure there will be a few who'd prefer Ukraine win!
     
    #13201
    Wooperts_duck, May 29, 2022
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13202
    Wooperts_duck, May 29, 2022
    daimungeezer likes this.
  3. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    Screenshot_20220529-200559.png 281867336_1381630249010690_7892369477038304469_n.jpg
     
    #13203
    swantastic, May 30, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck, duggie2000 and 1 other person like this.
  4. duggie2000

    duggie2000 Well-Known Member

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    FB_IMG_1653894940544~2.jpg
     
    #13204
    duggie2000, May 30, 2022
    daimungeezer, Makemstine Roger and Wooperts_duck like this.
  5. duggie2000

    duggie2000 Well-Known Member

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    285037700_1209189113157107_421748660804024289_n.jpg
     
    #13205
    duggie2000, May 30, 2022
    daimungeezer, Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck and 2 others like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13206
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2022
    daimungeezer and Makemstine Roger like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I drove up to Buckingham Palace and said to the guard, "Can you let me in I've got to cut Prince Williams hair."

    He said, "Have you got a permit?"

    I said, "No just cut some off the back!"
     
    #13207
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2022
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An African bloke knocked on the door today. He was carrying a big bucket, and said to me
    "Can you fill this bucket, with clean water for me please?"
    Bugger me" I said to him, "How many miles have you walked, just for this..???"
    He replied....
    "NONE you cheeky twat, I'm the new window cleaner".
     
    #13208
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2022
    daimungeezer, neveroffsidereff and Makemstine Roger like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I won't be on here for a few weeks.

    I am under investigation by the Police for the theft of a quantity of beach inflatables.

    Until the investigation is over, I've got to Lilo
     
    #13209
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2022
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Policeman :
    I'm booking you for dangerous driving. You were swerving all over the road.

    Driver :
    Of course I was. There were nails all over the road. I couldn't drive over them.

    Policeman :
    In that case, I'm booking you for tacks evasion
     
    #13210
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2022
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife gave me an ultimatum: Stop telling stupid Llama jokes or pack my bags and leave.

    I said o.k., Alpaca bag.....
     
    #13211
    Wooperts_duck, May 30, 2022
    daimungeezer and Makemstine Roger like this.
  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    I went to our firms christmas party last night.
    They played 'The Twist' so I twisted.
    They played 'Jump' so I jumped.
    Then they played 'Cum on Eileen' .I was asked to leave shortly after that..
     
    #13212
    Makemstine Roger, May 31, 2022
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  13. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A woman weight lifter goes to the doctor.

    “I’ve been taking steriods and now I’ve grown a cock!”

    “Anabolic?” asks the doctor.

    “no, just the cock!”
     
    #13213
    Makemstine Roger, May 31, 2022
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  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.


    After a number of times of this happening, the teacher became increasingly worried and asked him about it.


    Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my father asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."

    So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".


    The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive shiner again.


    "My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"


    He turns to explain: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my mother started moving {you know} at the same time. Mom was breathing heavy and kicking her legs all over the place while squealing like a demented hyena on the bed".... Then my father asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.

    *They don't usually go anywhere without me so i said 'Wait for me..
     
    #13214
    Makemstine Roger, May 31, 2022
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  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13215
    Makemstine Roger, May 31, 2022
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  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A woman is in the shower and she hears a knock at the front door. The woman jumps out the shower but there’s no towel. She hears another knock at the front door.

    The woman runs downstairs naked and says “Who’s there?” The person at the door replies “The blind man”.
    Upon hearing this response the woman thinks ‘he’s blind, it doesn’t matter if I open the door naked’ and opens the door. The man steps in and says “Nice tits, where do you want me to hang these blinds?”
     
    #13216
    Makemstine Roger, May 31, 2022
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  17. duggie2000

    duggie2000 Well-Known Member

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    #13217
    duggie2000, May 31, 2022
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  18. duggie2000

    duggie2000 Well-Known Member

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    #13218
    duggie2000, May 31, 2022
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  19. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #13219
    Taffvalerowdy, May 31, 2022
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  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13220
    Makemstine Roger, May 31, 2022
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