Sorry to anyone who felt my joke about herbs and fish was inappropriate. I realise there’s a thyme and a plaice for these things.
My wife came back from shopping, she said.. “I’ve just seen my gynaecologist in Tescos and he recognised me!” I said.. “you’ll have to start wearing longer skirts!”
My teacher said I’d never be able to do poetry because of my dyslexia. I sure showed her! So far I’ve made two pots and an ashtray.
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup
I’m a big fan of 1960’s tv Western series and googled ‘Bonanza’ and ‘Wagon Train’ However, I don’t recommend searching for ‘Whiplash’ and Rawhide’..........
Ted.. What did you say to Frank? He's in a terrible state Bob...Well he said he's got little bumps all over his body and I said my uncle had that and he was dead the next week Ted... Well you didn't have to tell him he died from it Bob... He didn't, he was hit by a bus
Brilliant. I can't believe only one person behind him is laughing, the other three must be taking him seriously
I went into the hairdressers today, I said, “what cut would make me look handsome?” She looked me up and down and said, “probably a power cut”
I asked the man in the shop "Have you got any Bulldog clips?" He replied "No, but I've got a nice video of a Jack Russell"
