Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake. I thought: "the streets are strangely desserted tonight".
My girlfriend and I went to see the new Batman movie last night on our 9th date. So far our dates have consisted of.......... Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Batman...
Mary answers a knock on her door. John, her husband's boss down at the brewery, was standing there and he said, " Hi Mary, unfortunately your husband, Greg, had an accident at work today and passed away." She starts crying and asks what happened. "He fell into a full vat of beer and drowned " he replied. "Oh, no. I hope he didn't suffer a lot." She sobbed. "I don't think he suffered too much, he got out three times to go to the toilet!"
Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven. God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I was the bravest cop on the force." The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty." The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!"
BREAKING NEWS: Heathrow Airport police are concerned at the number of passengers smuggling helium filled balloons in their luggage. Cases continue to rise…
Saw a sign on the train saying "Please give this seat to an elderly person". So I unscrewed it and took it to my grandma's house.
