Just finished decorating my bonnet for Easter. I've covered it in chicks and eggs and bunnies. Car's failed the MOT now though.
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, "They're right behind you!".........
A Cardiff fan and a Swansea fan were driving head on, one night and their cars collide. To their amazement, neither is hurt but both cars are destroyed. In celebration of their good luck, they agree to put their differences aside from that moment on and the Swansea fan goes to the boot of his car and fetches a 12 year old bottle of whisky. He hands it to the Cardiff fan who exclaims "may the Swansea and Cardiff fans live together, forever, in peace and harmony", then gulps down half the bottle. He goes to hand the bottle to the Swansea fan, who replies, "No, thanks, I'll just wait until the police get here, you Cardiff Bastard ”…..
NEWS: Police were called to Tesco’s Watford this morning as a fight broke out in the toilet roll aisle. A police spokesperson said that they managed to calm the situation, and just one shopper has been left with soft tissue damage.
A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter . They planned to stay in the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20yrs earlier . Because of hectic schedules , it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules , so the husband left Glasgow and flew to Barcelona on the Thursday , with his wife flying the following day . The husband checked into the hotel . . . There was a computer in his room , so he decided to send an email to his wife . However he left out one letter in her email address , and without realizing his error , sent the email . Meanwhile somewhere in Blackpool , a widow had just returned from her husbands funeral . He was a minister who died following a heart attack . The widow decided to check her emails , expecting messages from relatives and friends . After reading the first message she screamed and fainted . The widows son rushed into the room , found his mother on the floor , and saw the computer screen which read . To my wife . Subject i've arrived date March 28th 2022. I know your surprised to hear from me , they have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones . I ve just arrived and have been checked in , i see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow , looking forward to seeing you then ! Hope your journey is as smooth as mine was . P s bloody hot down here !!!
So I went into a bar in Spain & there was a huge bulls head on the wall. I said: "That must have been a big bull?" The barman said: "That bull killed my grandfather" I said: "Was he a bullfighter?" He said: "No. He was playing draughts over there and it fell on him”
Is this a blonde Couple Or what.................... A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption centre called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption centre, they stopped by the local college so they each could enrol in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk.............................................. .......... We just want to be able to understand him".
A massive congratulations to Hugh Zappriti Boyden who has been elected president of the British Budgerigar Society.
Got the wife a new coat made out of hamster skin. Took her to the funfair Saturday. Took me 4 hours to get her off the big wheel!!
