BREAKING NEWS! Engineers have just made a car that can run on parsley… Now they're hoping to make buses that run on thyme!
On the 1st of April all petrol stations will slash 50% off petrol and diesel. It's called April Fuels day....
Husband arrives home late for dinner, disgruntled wife says why are you so late. He says well i was in the yacht club and the President kept insisting on buying me drinks. Why would he do that she said. Well the other day he put a big tear in the sail of his yacht and I managed to find him a replacement. Oh yeah, she said, and where did you manage to find one. In the drawer where you keep your knickers he replied........
So I went into my local workmen's café this morning and said: "Can I have a cold mug of tea, two bits of bacon so hard I can break a tooth, cold baked beans, two cold half cooked eggs and can you make sure the top comes off the salt and don't wash up the knife and fork". The woman serving says: "That sounds disgusting! There is no way we can do that!" I said: "You managed it yesterday!!"
My job search: My first job was working in an orange juice factory but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack but I just couldn't hack it so they gave me the axe. After that , I tried being a tailor but I wasn't suited for it.. mainly because it was a sew-sew job. Next, I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting. Then I tried being a chef. I figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme. Next I attempted being a deli worker but any way I sliced it, I just couldn't cut the mustard. My best job was a musician but I wasn't noteworthy. I studied a long time to become a doctor but I had no patients. Next I had a job in a shoe factory but no matter how hard I tried, I just didn't fit in. I became a professional fisherman but I discovered I couldn't live on my net income. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company but the work was too draining. So then I got a job in a workout center but they said I wasn't fit for the job. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
