A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a ... Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.' So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.' Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was. The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?' The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.' Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs. The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!'
Bert, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, So, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them to go home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me ?” Margaret, age 75, looked him over. “Nope.” Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW ?” Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.” Furious, Bert yelled, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN MARGARET ?” “Nope. Not a clue”, she replied. “IT’S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS !” Without missing a beat Margaret replied, “Shoulda bought a hat, Bert . . . . shoulda bought a hat.”
A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole,BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go. 'From now on when I say BELL1 I want you to strip naked. When I say BELL 2 I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3 We are going to make love all night. ' The next night he came home from work and yelled 'BELL 1!' The wife promptly took all her clothes off. When he yelled 'BELL 2!', the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled 'BELL 3!', they began making love. After a few minutes the wife yelled 'BELL 4!' 'What the hell is BELL 4?' asked the husband? 'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE,' she replied ' YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.'
Roofers prices just went up faster & higher than inflation, petrol, gas and electric ! Got my ladders on van ready to rock n roll
