A bloke from Yorkshire goes to a jewellers. He says..... "can tha mek a gold statue o mi dog" ? Jeweller replies......"Aye cocka I reckon I can, dus tha wannit eighteen carat?" Bloke replies " na ya datf get, I wannit chowing a bone !!!"
I was wondering if someone could help me? My wife has sent me out to M&S for canapés.. Is this what she means? please log in to view this image
A Scouser guy goes on the antiques roadshow with a very rare vase. Hugh Scully asks, "How did you acquire the vase?" The Scouser says, "It was handed down to me." Hugh Scully, "Where from?" The Scouser replies, "An upstairs window
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer and said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish". Suddenly the clouds parted and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have been faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish" The man thought and said, "Please build me a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over there anytime" The Lord considered and said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics involved. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific ocean! The concrete and steel needed! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take more time and think of another wish. One that would honour and glorify me." The man thought for a while. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. Although I feel I have done my best, all my wives have said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish I could understand women. I want to know how they feel, what they are thinking when they ignore me, why they cry, what they mean when I ask “What’s wrong?’ and they answer "Nothing" ...and how I can make a woman truly happy" After a few minutes God said, "You want two or four lanes on that bridge?"
