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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11881
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 27, 2021
    daimungeezer and neveroffsidereff like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    What's the difference between Omicron and Macron ?

    One is a nasty disgusting little virus........


    ..........and the other is a variant of COVID
     
    #11882
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 27, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, daimungeezer, swantastic and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.
    John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
    Finally, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
    Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
    Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
    The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."
    John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, when the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
     
    #11883
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 27, 2021
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11884
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 27, 2021
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11885
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 27, 2021
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11886
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 27, 2021
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  7. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-11-27_23-33-9.png
     
    #11887
    swantastic, Nov 27, 2021
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  8. TheRealBubbles

    TheRealBubbles Well-Known Member

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    618A1D24-A0B9-4A79-9747-BF30A419A6EB.jpeg
     
    #11888
    TheRealBubbles, Nov 28, 2021
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  9. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    Screenshot_20211127-003434.png
     
    #11889
    swantastic, Nov 28, 2021
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  10. TheRealBubbles

    TheRealBubbles Well-Known Member

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    36D974D8-EB50-4B43-AAD0-BD783C6263EA.jpeg
     
    #11890
    TheRealBubbles, Nov 28, 2021
    daimungeezer and Taffvalerowdy like this.

  11. TheRealBubbles

    TheRealBubbles Well-Known Member

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    2FA29394-FAA4-4222-8309-83E78BE7D313.jpeg
     
    #11891
    TheRealBubbles, Nov 28, 2021
    Wooperts_duck, daimungeezer, neveroffsidereff and 1 other person like this.
  12. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    #11892
    swantastic, Nov 28, 2021
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  13. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-11-29_15-22-7.jpeg
     
    #11893
    Taffvalerowdy, Nov 29, 2021
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  14. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-11-29_15-59-49.png
     
    #11894
    Taffvalerowdy, Nov 29, 2021
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  15. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #11895
    Taffvalerowdy, Nov 29, 2021
    daimungeezer, Wooperts_duck, TheRealBubbles and 1 other person like this.
  16. duggie2000

    duggie2000 Well-Known Member

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    A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from
    the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-
    famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart
    surgeon was waiting for the service manager to
    come take a look at his bike.
    The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey
    Doc can I ask you a question?" The famous
    surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the
    mechanic working on the motorcycle.
    The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands
    on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine.
    I also can open it up, take valves out, fix'em, put
    in new parts and when I finish this will work just
    like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and
    you get the really big money, when you and I are
    doing basically the same work?"
    The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over,
    and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it
    while it's running.
     
    #11896
    duggie2000, Nov 29, 2021
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  17. duggie2000

    duggie2000 Well-Known Member

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    #11897
    duggie2000, Nov 29, 2021
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11898
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 29, 2021
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  19. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #11899
    Taffvalerowdy, Nov 30, 2021
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  20. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    Screenshot_20211130-130615.png Screenshot_20211127-001525.png Screenshot_20211126-224609.png Screenshot_20211123-124932.png
     
    #11900
    swantastic, Nov 30, 2021
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