So this bloke got chatting to this girl in a bar, "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked. "Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends. ""No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," he assured her. "Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please. A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle they headed off back to her place and made passionate love. While he was putting his clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?" He said, "My wife found out."
Three dogs sat in a vet’s waiting room, a Collie, Labrador, and Great Dane. The Lab turns to the Collie and asks, “Why are you here?” The Collie replies “I’m a bit of a digger and last week I dug a hole in my owners new couch; I’m here to have my balls chopped off as it will apparently calm me down” The Collie asks the Labrador, “and why are you here?” He replied, “I’m a bit of a pisser, I slash everywhere and anywhere all hours of the day and night. The last straw was this morning when I pissed on my masters’ bed, so, I’m here to have my balls chopped off too, to calm me down.” They both turned to the Great Dane and asked, “Why are you here?” He replied, “Well I’m just a bit of a humper. I will hump anything and anyone. Last night my lady owner came out of the shower, bent over, and I just couldn’t help myself; I jumped up and rattles away!” They say to him, “So you’re having your balls chopped off to calm you down, as well?” He replies, “No, apparently I’m having my nails clipped”
