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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #10641
    Taffvalerowdy, Apr 21, 2021
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  2. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #10642
    Taffvalerowdy, Apr 21, 2021
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  3. duggie2000

    duggie2000 Well-Known Member

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    #10643
    duggie2000, Apr 21, 2021
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  4. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #10644
    Taffvalerowdy, Apr 21, 2021
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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #10645
    kiwiqpr, Apr 21, 2021
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  6. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

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    #10646
    neveroffsidereff, Apr 21, 2021
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Three old boys chatting in the care home and one says "I am really struggling at the moment, I go for days and days without taking a dump and when I do it is agony trying to push it out, it's making my life a nightmare" The second says "Well I am struggling to take a piss properly, sometimes I go without one for ages and when I do eventually manage to go I'm lucky if I get a dribble coming out" The third chap says "You two don't know a damn thing about struggles. At 6:00 every morning I take a massive dump and a piss that a racehorse would be proud of"

    "What's wrong with that?" they asked

    "I don't wake up until 7:30!"
     
    #10647
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 21, 2021
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10648
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 21, 2021
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10649
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 21, 2021
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10650
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10651
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10652
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
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  13. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they arrive at the 4th tee which is a par 5 with a dog-leg around a lake. Jesus tees up and lines up to hit over the water onto the green.

    Moses says, “Jesus, you’re not that good; I suggest you go around the lake”. Jesus replies, “I have seen Tiger Woods do it and if he can hit straight onto the green, then so can I” and with that he takes his one wood a whacks the ball straight into the middle of the lake.

    He asks Moses to do him a favour and part the water so that he can retrieve his ball. Moses obliges and Jesus returns to the tee and lines up again to hit over the water. Moses warns him again that he’s not that good, and again suggests he does the dog-leg, but he gets the same response, “If Tiger Woods can do it, so can I” and he again takes an Almighty swing and the ball lands in the lake again.

    He asks Moses to part the water again, but he refuses this time..
    Jesus therefore goes down to the lake and is walking over the water looking down for his ball when the next four arrive at the tee, and seeing a figure walking across the lake, one of the players says, “Who the hell does he think he is; Jesus Christ?”

    “No”, says Moses, “he thinks he’s Tiger Woods”
     
    #10653
    swantastic, Apr 22, 2021
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."
    "Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."
    "I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now."
    Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"
     
    #10654
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Went to see a mind reader last night.
    She said "Think of a card, any card"
    "OK"
    "Is it the four of clubs?"
    "No"
    "Ace of diamonds?"
    "No"
    "What is it then?"
    "Birthday"
     
    #10655
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The self-depreciation society is taking applications for new members...

    I've already put myself down!
     
    #10656
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10657
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 23, 2021
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  18. duggie2000

    duggie2000 Well-Known Member

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    #10658
    duggie2000, Apr 23, 2021
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    We were so skint as kids, my mother used to buy my clothes from army and navy stores.

    I was the only Japanese general at school.
     
    #10659
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 23, 2021
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10660
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 23, 2021
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