An Irishman goes to the doctor, who after examining him says “You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay. “So the doctor gives the man the tablets and the patient asks, “Do I have to take them every day?” No,” replies the doctor, “take one on the Monday, skip the Tuesday, take one on the Wednesday, skip the Thursday and go on like that. “Two weeks later the doctor is walking down the street, and he sees the patient’s wife.“Hello Mrs Murphy,” he says, “how’s your husband?” “Oh he died of a heart attack,” says Mrs Murphy. “I’m very sorry to hear that,” says the doctor, “I thought if he took those tablets he would be all right.” “Oh the tablets were fine,” says Mrs Murphy, “It was all the bloody skipping that killed him!”
Today a man was found in the River Taff, he was wearing a cardiff top, stockings and suspenders, had a butt plug in his bottom, and his willy was still lodged in a male rubber doll, Police have removed the Cardiff shirt to spare the family any embarrassment.
I went to fish restaurant recently and ordered the Octopus. The waiter said: "It takes 4 hours to cook." I said: "Why?" He said: "Because it keeps turning the gas off."
You can’t resist it can you. Our Warehouse supervisor is a scummer. He was talking to our dispatch controller yesterday and asking him what time he started, and he says 8 and I go you sure it wasn’t 9? He goes no 8 are you sure it wasn’t 9, only then did he twig.
Bad day today, I failed my driving test on the Highway Code. The Instructor said to me, “If you are going down a country road what signs are you likely to see?" I said, “Eggs for sale, pick your own strawberries and free manure”.
To encourage me to eat when i was young my mother would put food on a spoon and say "here comes the train, here comes the train". It always worked because she wouldn't untie me from the track until i'd eaten it!
