I hate people who bang on about their phobias. I've got a fear of heights but I don't shout it from the rooftops.......
I was telling my neighbour that during lockdown my wife and I took up woodwork... I didn't know you were carpenters replied the neighbour.... Well I said, we've only just begun...
When we bought our home, the estate agent thought it would be nice to send flowers for the occasion. They did arrive but the card said, “Rest in Peace”. I was angry and called the florist to complain. When I told them, the florist said. “Oh sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new home”.
Took my stupid dog to the vets yesterday. Daft sod ate a load of Christmas tree lights he had found. When the vet made a fuss of him, his little face lit up.
