1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

Page 447 of 865
  1. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    18,376
    Likes Received:
    30,511
    F04EF6D2-B4C6-42DB-80F5-D81CA7A29EDA.jpeg
     
    #8921
    swantastic, Sep 23, 2020
    TheRealBubbles, daimungeezer and Wooperts_duck like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,435
    Likes Received:
    263,428
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8922
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 23, 2020
    daimungeezer, neveroffsidereff and swantastic like this.
  3. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    126,282
    Likes Received:
    224,922
    upload_2020-9-24_13-6-32.jpeg
     
    #8923
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 24, 2020
    daimungeezer, Wooperts_duck and neveroffsidereff like this.
  4. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    126,282
    Likes Received:
    224,922
    upload_2020-9-24_16-7-13.jpeg
     
    #8924
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 24, 2020
    daimungeezer, TheRealBubbles and Wooperts_duck like this.
  5. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    18,376
    Likes Received:
    30,511
    Psychiatrist Vs Bartender

    Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night
    So I went to a shrink and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it.
    I'm scared and I think I'm going crazy."
    "Just put yourself in my hands for one year", said the shrink. "Come in and talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears".
    How much do you charge?"
    "Eighty dollars per visit", replied the doctor.
    "I'll sleep on it", I said.
    Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?", he asked.
    "Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year is $12,480.00.
    A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck."
    "Is that so?" With a bit of an attitude, he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
    "He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now!"
     
    #8925
    swantastic, Sep 24, 2020
    daimungeezer and Wooperts_duck like this.
  6. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    18,376
    Likes Received:
    30,511
     
    #8926
    swantastic, Sep 24, 2020
    daimungeezer, TheRealBubbles and neveroffsidereff like this.
  7. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    126,282
    Likes Received:
    224,922
    upload_2020-9-24_21-51-5.jpeg
     
    #8927
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 24, 2020
    daimungeezer, TheRealBubbles, neveroffsidereff and 1 other person like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,435
    Likes Received:
    263,428
    Choosing a wife
    A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
    The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
    The man was impressed.
    The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
    Again, the man is impressed.
    The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
    Obviously, the man was impressed.
    The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
    Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
     
    #8928
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2020
    daimungeezer, Taffvalerowdy, neveroffsidereff and 1 other person like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,435
    Likes Received:
    263,428
    A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years.
    One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.
    Man: "Hi! I am so happy to see you."
    Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
    Man: "It's been 10 years!"
    With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.
    Man: "Thank you so much!"
    Girl: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?"
    Man: "It's been 10 years!"
    The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of 12 year old malt whisky and gives the man a drink.
    Man: "Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"
    Girl (starting to unzip the front of her wet suit): "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"
    Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there, too...!"
     
    #8929
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2020
    daimungeezer, Taffvalerowdy and neveroffsidereff like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,435
    Likes Received:
    263,428
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8930
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2020
    daimungeezer, Taffvalerowdy, TheRealBubbles and 1 other person like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,435
    Likes Received:
    263,428
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8931
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2020
    daimungeezer, Taffvalerowdy, TheRealBubbles and 1 other person like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,435
    Likes Received:
    263,428
    I was out with two mates in a pub the other night when a few big bruisers started mouthing off at us.

    My mate said “pretend we’re the police”

    I’d only got half way through the first verse of Roxanne before they kicked the sh!t out of us.
     
    #8932
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2020
    daimungeezer and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,435
    Likes Received:
    263,428
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8933
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2020
    daimungeezer, Taffvalerowdy, TheRealBubbles and 2 others like this.
  14. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    126,282
    Likes Received:
    224,922
    upload_2020-9-25_8-40-25.jpeg
     
    #8934
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 25, 2020
    daimungeezer, neveroffsidereff, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  15. TheRealBubbles

    TheRealBubbles Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2018
    Messages:
    3,127
    Likes Received:
    7,531
    99D58029-2869-4A58-83ED-123231D74F6D.jpeg
     
    #8935
    TheRealBubbles, Sep 25, 2020
    daimungeezer, Wooperts_duck and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  16. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    126,282
    Likes Received:
    224,922
    upload_2020-9-25_12-46-24.jpeg
     
    #8936
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 25, 2020
    daimungeezer, neveroffsidereff and Wooperts_duck like this.
  17. TheRealBubbles

    TheRealBubbles Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2018
    Messages:
    3,127
    Likes Received:
    7,531
    #8937
    TheRealBubbles, Sep 25, 2020
    daimungeezer, Wooperts_duck and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  18. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    126,282
    Likes Received:
    224,922
    upload_2020-9-25_14-26-58.jpeg
     
    #8938
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 25, 2020
    daimungeezer, neveroffsidereff and Wooperts_duck like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,435
    Likes Received:
    263,428
    What's brown and sits on the piano ?

    Beethoven's last movement........
     
    #8939
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2020
    daimungeezer likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,435
    Likes Received:
    263,428
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8940
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2020
    daimungeezer and TheRealBubbles like this.
Page 447 of 865

Share This Page