Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days. A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausages?" The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am, but let me ask You something... If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?" The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't." The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why then did you ask me if I'm Irish?" The assistant replied, "Because this is Halfords."
Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent Mary Louise to the hardware store. At the hardware store Mary Louise saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf as she was waiting for Joe Bob to finish waiting on a customer. When Joe Bob was finished, Mary Louise asked how much for the teapot? Joe Bob replied "That's silver and it costs $100!" "My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary Louise exclaimed. She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her to buy, and Joe Bob went to the back room to find a hinge.From the back room, Joe Bob yelled, "Mary Louise, you wanna screw for that hinge?" To which Mary Louise replied "No, but I will for the teapot..."
A major steel company feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make £200 a week. Why?" The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy £800 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?" From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."