Marvin had always wanted to be a gunfighter. He grew up in the old West. As a child he read everything about gunfighters he could find. His hero was Billy the Kid. He dreamed of being just like his hero. One day he went to town and bought himself a black hat, some black clothes, a black horse and two pistols. He went home and every day he went out behind his barn, and practiced shooting. After two weeks he was getting to be quite a good shot. He decided it was time to show off. He put on his black clothes and hat, strapped on his guns and rode into town. When he walked into the saloon, standing at the bar he saw Billy the Kid. He was so excited! He walked up and said, "Mr. Kid, I am your biggest fan. I have always wanted to be just like you." "Look at me. Do I look like a gunfighter?" Billy looked him over and said, "Well, you have the right clothes and you have a nice black hat, and I see you rode up on a black horse. But, can you shoot?" Marvin looked around the room and said, "See that piano player over there?" He drew his pistol and fired, shooting the cufflink off the piano player's shirt. Billy said, "Not bad. Can you shoot with your left hand? A gunfighter's got to be able to shoot with both hands." Marvin drew his other pistol and fired, shooting off the piano player's other cufflink. Billy said, "That's mighty fine shooting. I just have one piece of advice for you." Marvin was bubbling with excitement, "What is it? What else should I do?" Billy spoke slowly, "Well, go back into the kitchen there and get a big tub of lard. Take both of your pistols and rub them around in the lard, get them good and slick." Marvin was puzzled. He asked, "Why is that important? What good will rubbing my pistols in lard do?" Billy replied, "It won't help your shooting at all, but when Wyatt Earp finishes playing the piano over there, he's going to shove both of your pistols up your backside.!!
My wife said that nothing rhymes with orange, and I said, ..........................................................No it doesn't.
Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus. Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.
One time I debated a flat earthier. He got so mad that he stormed off saying that he would walk to the edge of the earth just to prove me wrong. He’ll come around eventually
I just discovered that the word “nothing” is a palindrome… Backwards it spells “gnihton”, which also means nothing.
A fortune teller told me I’d suffer awful heart break in 12 years. To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing It would definitely spice up my autobiography.
I recently swapped all the labels on my wife’s spice rack, she hasn’t noticed yet But the thyme is cumin.
This shutdown is bad for everyone in the service industry, but it especially sucks for men. We’re losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection. She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.
