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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Ant & Dec have announced that Yoko Ono will be joining the rest of the Celebrities in the jungle on Friday.

    She is also tipped to win, as she has been living off a dead Beatle for the past 30 odd years!
     
    #6101
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 28, 2019
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6102
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 28, 2019
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6103
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 28, 2019
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  4. 8past7

    8past7 Well-Known Member

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    I am dead

    where’s the minge JA ?
     
    #6104
    8past7, Nov 28, 2019
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6105
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 28, 2019
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  6. TheRealBubbles

    TheRealBubbles Well-Known Member

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    Bound over for lobbing ****e at the neighbours the bellend.
     
    #6106
    TheRealBubbles, Nov 28, 2019
    swantastic and 8past7 like this.
  7. 8past7

    8past7 Well-Known Member

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    I bet the twat had got arrested again though for real
     
    #6107
    8past7, Nov 28, 2019
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  8. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2019-11-29_9-11-40.jpeg
     
    #6108
    Taffvalerowdy, Nov 29, 2019
    TheRealBubbles, neveroffsidereff, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  9. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2019-11-29_14-47-21.jpeg
     
    #6109
    Taffvalerowdy, Nov 29, 2019
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  10. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    WOMEN'S ENGLISH



    1. Yes = No

    2. No = Yes

    3. Maybe = No

    4. We need = I want

    5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

    6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

    7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

    8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

    9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!

    10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?





    MEN'S ENGLISH



    1. I am hungry = I am hungry

    2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

    3. I am tired = I am tired

    4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

    5. I love you = let's have sex now

    6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

    7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

    8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

    9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

    10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

    11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
     
    #6110
    swantastic, Nov 29, 2019
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  11. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    Screenshot_20191129-073333_Samsung Internet.jpg
     
    #6111
    swantastic, Nov 29, 2019
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6112
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 29, 2019
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6113
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 29, 2019
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6114
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 29, 2019
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6115
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 29, 2019
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6116
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 29, 2019
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Right!! That's the last time I give up my seat for an elderly lady. How was I to know she'd never driven a ****ing bus before.......

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    #6117
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 29, 2019
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6118
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 29, 2019
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  19. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    1. Teaching Maths In 1970

    A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.

    His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price.

    What is his profit?





    2. Teaching Maths In 1980

    A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.

    His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price, or £800.

    What is his profit?





    3. Teaching Maths In 1990

    A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.

    His cost of production is £800.

    Did he make a profit?





    4. Teaching Maths In 2000

    A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.

    His cost of production is £800 and his profit is £200.

    Your assignment: Underline the number 200.





    5. Teaching Maths In 2008

    A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is totally selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.

    He does this so he can make a profit of £200. What do you think of this way of making a living?

    Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.

    If you are upset about the plight of the animals in question counselling will be available)





    6. Teaching Maths 2018



    أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من دولار. صاحب تكلفة < B>الانتاج من> الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟
     
    #6119
    swantastic, Nov 30, 2019
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  20. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2019-11-30_13-41-16.jpeg
     
    #6120
    Taffvalerowdy, Nov 30, 2019
    kiwiqpr, Wooperts_duck, TheRealBubbles and 2 others like this.
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