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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    Screenshot_20190712-195311.png
     
    #5121
    swantastic, Jul 12, 2019
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5122
    kiwiqpr, Jul 12, 2019
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  3. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    Screenshot_20190713-120920.png Screenshot_20190713-120454.png Screenshot_20190713-113327.png
     
    #5123
    swantastic, Jul 13, 2019
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I came out of Asda this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out.

    She'd lost all her holiday money.
    I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50.

    I don't usually do that kind of thing, but I'd just found £2,000 in the car park.
     
    #5124
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2019
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's."

    I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.
     
    #5125
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2019
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5126
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2019
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5127
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2019
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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5128
    kiwiqpr, Jul 14, 2019
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  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Lawyers should never ask a Texas grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
    In a trial, a Texas small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
    The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
    She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
    youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
    The defense attorney nearly died.
    The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
    'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.....
     
    #5129
    kiwiqpr, Jul 14, 2019
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  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5130
    kiwiqpr, Jul 14, 2019
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  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5131
    kiwiqpr, Jul 14, 2019
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5132
    kiwiqpr, Jul 14, 2019
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Diane Abbott has said she’d like to congratulate the England Cricket Team on winning Wimbledon in such dramatic fashion after taking it to a tiebreak

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    #5133
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 15, 2019
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5134
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 15, 2019
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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5135
    kiwiqpr, Jul 15, 2019
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  16. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    I just got back from my friend’s funeral. He died after being hit by a tennis ball.

    It was a lovely service .....,
     
    #5136
    Taffvalerowdy, Jul 15, 2019
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5137
    kiwiqpr, Jul 15, 2019
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5138
    kiwiqpr, Jul 16, 2019
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  19. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    #5139
    swantastic, Jul 16, 2019
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  20. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    #5140
    swantastic, Jul 16, 2019
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