My Building Permit: I just applied for a building permit for a new house. It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide with 9 turrets at various heights and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint it snot green with tatty pink trim. The City Council told me to go to hell. So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a Mosque. .........Work starts on Monday...
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, " You're charged with beating your brother to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in- law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!" The judge stops and says to Harry in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?" Harry stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to this arsehole, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one!!..
Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much ...it's all he can think about. After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them. Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time. He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, 'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?' Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Luigi , I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?' Luigi answers,'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?' Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, ' Rosa , doyou wear white panties tonight?' Rosa answers, 'Yes, Luigi , I do, but how do you know that?' He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes... How do you like them?' Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luigi asks Carmela to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red... He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart. Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight. Please, please, tella me this true!' Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Luigi , I wear no panties tonight...' Luigi gasps, 'Thanka God .... I thought I had a crack in my $300 Armani leather shoes...!
