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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5041
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5042
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  4. swanseaandproud

    swanseaandproud Well-Known Member

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    #5044
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  5. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

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    That’s down at the bottom of Newgate Lane, know it well, bloody nightmare of a roundabout.
     
    #5045
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    It was when I worked in Fareham in the 1980's as well.....<doh>
     
    #5046
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The Killers, The Vaccines and The Cure are all appearing at Glastonbury this weekend.

    Won't they just cancel each other out?
     
    #5047
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5048
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5051
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  12. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

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    Still is even having spent a fortune on in.
     
    #5052
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5053
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5054
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  15. mustyfrog

    mustyfrog Well-Known Member

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    The theory of intelligence I don't think I've ever heard the concept explained any better than this.

    'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'
     
    #5055
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I apologise if anyone was offended by my recent joke about herbs and fish.

    I should remember there’s a thyme and a plaice for such things
     
    #5056
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My new French girlfriend hates it when I pull her hair during sex.

    She says it makes her armpits sore for days...
     
    #5057
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
    Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
    Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
    The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."
    Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."
    The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."
     
    #5060
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