JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

  1. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    10,721
    Likes Received:
    9,004
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5002
  3. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2011
    Messages:
    21,027
    Likes Received:
    12,236
    Brilliant!!
     
    #5003
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    A guy has a pet duck and they are inseparable.
    Walking past the local cinema one evening, duck under his arm, man notices a one off showing of his favourite movie Casablanca, is due to start in 15 minutes. He goes to the box office to buy a ticket but is refused entry with the duck. Desperate to see the film, the man hides the duck down his trousers and returns to the box office, buys a ticket and goes to the rear stalls.
    During the performance, the duck becomes restless. So as not the cause a fuss, the man opens his zip fly and the duck pops his head out for fresh air.
    A courting couple are sitting next to the man, and the girl nudges her boyfriend , and whispers, "Fred. The man next to me has got his 'thing' out"
    Boyfriend, " Don't fuss. You've seen one before"
    Girl, "I know, but this one is eating my popcorn"
     
    #5004
    neveroffsidereff likes this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5005
    neveroffsidereff and swantastic like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5006
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5007
    daimungeezer and kiwiqpr like this.
  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    73,965
    Likes Received:
    132,976
    Marriage is all about figuring out which buttons not to push, and then pushing the **** out of ‘em.
     
    #5008
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  9. swanseaandproud

    swanseaandproud Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2011
    Messages:
    25,745
    Likes Received:
    6,090
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5009
    Wooperts_duck and daimungeezer like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5010
    swanseaandproud and daimungeezer like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    Dirty cow !!

    please log in to view this image
     
    #5011
    daimungeezer and swantastic like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5012
    swanseaandproud likes this.
  13. swanseaandproud

    swanseaandproud Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2011
    Messages:
    25,745
    Likes Received:
    6,090
    please log in to view this image
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5013
  14. swanseaandproud

    swanseaandproud Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2011
    Messages:
    25,745
    Likes Received:
    6,090
    please log in to view this image
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5014
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder are in a bar.

    Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?

    Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

    Woods replies, "Not too bad. I've had some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now."

    Stevie: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

    Surprised, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?!!"

    Stevie: "Yes, I've been playing for years."

    Tiger: "But.... you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"

    Stevie: "Well, I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddie moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

    "But, how do you putt?" asks Tiger.

    "Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."

    Tiger: "What's your handicap?"

    Stevie: "Well, actually I'm a scratch golfer."

    Woods: incredulous says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

    Stevie: "Well, people don't take me seriously so I only play for money. And I never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"

    Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that. OK I'm game for that. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"

    Stevie: "You pick a night."
     
    #5015
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    Breaking News

    My local Lidl has just opened a second checkout


    please log in to view this image
     
    #5016
    daimungeezer and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5017
    daimungeezer likes this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5018
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    I grew up in a very rough part of town. As a child people would cover me in chocolate, whipped cream and put a cherry on top.

    It was hard living in the gateau.......
     
    #5019
    daimungeezer likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    77,763
    Likes Received:
    127,631
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5020
    daimungeezer and swantastic like this.

Share This Page