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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4961
    kiwiqpr, Jun 14, 2019
  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4962
    kiwiqpr, Jun 14, 2019
    Wooperts_duck, daimungeezer and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4963
    kiwiqpr, Jun 14, 2019
    Wooperts_duck, neveroffsidereff, daimungeezer and 2 others like this.
  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Just had some friends round with their new born baby ... She handed me the baby and asked if I wanted to wind him , I thought that was a bit harsh ... So I gave him a dead leg instead !
     
    #4964
    kiwiqpr, Jun 14, 2019
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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4965
    kiwiqpr, Jun 14, 2019
    daimungeezer and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4966
    kiwiqpr, Jun 14, 2019
  7. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    I don’t understand how the cemetery can put up its prices and then blame it on the cost of living ......
     
    #4967
    Taffvalerowdy, Jun 14, 2019
    kiwiqpr, Wooperts_duck and daimungeezer like this.
  8. daimungeezer

    daimungeezer Well-Known Member

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    It could be worse... I fit guttering and I've got no arms. It's very hard to make ends meet.
     
    #4968
    daimungeezer, Jun 14, 2019
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  9. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    <laugh><laugh><laugh>

    That must be very draining.....
     
    #4969
    Taffvalerowdy, Jun 14, 2019
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4970
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 14, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, daimungeezer, swantastic and 2 others like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4971
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 14, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, daimungeezer, neveroffsidereff and 1 other person like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • The Australian gold coast surf competition has just been won in controversial circumstances by a little Japanese man on a wardrobe.
     
    #4972
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 14, 2019
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer. One of the guys says to his buddy, “Man, you really look tired.”

    His buddy says, “Dude, I'm exhausted. My girlfriend wants sex all the time, three, four, even six times a night, every night. She wakes me up at all hours. I just don't know what to do.”

    A fellow about 70, sitting a couple of stools down overheard the conversation.

    He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says... “Marry her. That'll put a stop to that nonsense! "
     
    #4973
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 14, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, daimungeezer and neveroffsidereff like this.
  14. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    Come again ..... ?
     
    #4974
    Taffvalerowdy, Jun 14, 2019
    daimungeezer and Wooperts_duck like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4975
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 15, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, daimungeezer and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  16. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    My wife has said she’s leaving me as all I talk about is football.

    Gutted - we’ve been married for 8 seasons .....
     
    #4976
    Taffvalerowdy, Jun 15, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck and daimungeezer like this.
  17. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    F57C84CF-165B-4C28-B7DA-0F49A2E8C54B.jpeg 02FC8FB2-8153-4941-94A9-234B0C4AF95F.jpeg
     
    #4977
    swantastic, Jun 15, 2019
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  18. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    Jeremy Corbyn goes to the bank...
    Jeremy: "Could you please cash this cheque for me?"
    Cashier: "It would be my pleasure Sir, but could you please show me some identification?"
    Corbyn: "I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I'm Jeremy Corbyn, Leader of the Labour Party and the Opposition!!"
    Cashier: "Yes, I know who you are Sir, but with all the bank regulations, monitoring, impostors and forgers etc., I must insist on seeing some identification".
    Corbyn "Just ask any of the customers here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am!"
    Cashier: "I'm sorry Sir, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them".
    Corbyn: "I'm urging you, please cash this cheque for me".
    Cashier: "Look Sir, this is what we can do. One day Colin Montgomerie came into the bank without any ID.
    To prove he was Colin Montgomerie he pulled out his putter and putted a ball along the floor and into a small cup.
    With that sort of skill we knew it was Colin Montgomerie and we cashed his cheque. On another occasion, Andy Murray came in without any ID.
    He pulled out his tennis racquet and lobbed a tennis ball straight into my teacup with such a spectacular shot that we all knew it was Andy Murray.
    Corbyn starts to think and think and finally says, "To be honest, there is nothing that comes into my mind.
    In fact I can't think of a single thing that I'm any good at."
    Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes you require Mr Corbyn?
     
    #4978
    swantastic, Jun 15, 2019
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Currently bird watching with Sinead O'Connor

    So far its been seven owls and fifteen jays......
     
    #4979
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 16, 2019
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4980
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 16, 2019
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