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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4641
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 23, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy, daimungeezer and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The Pope was having a shower, and although he’s very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air.
    “Hold on a minute!” said the Pope, “You can’t do that – you’ll destroy the reputation of the Church!”
    “This is my lottery win”, said the photographer, “I’ll be financially secure for the rest of my life with these photos!”
    So, the Pope offered to buy the camera from the photographer, and after much negotiation, they eventually settled on a figure of £2,000,000.
    The Pope clothed himself and headed off to destroy the images on the camera. Along the vast Vatican hallways, he bumped into his personal housekeeper. Being a bit of a photography buff, she noticed the camera and said, “That looks like a really expensive digital SLR camera, how much did it cost you?”
    Not being one to lie, the Pope replied, “Two million Pounds.”
    “TWO MILLION Pounds!” replied the housekeeper, “Wow! They must have seen you coming.
     
    #4642
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 23, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy, daimungeezer and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4643
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 24, 2019
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  4. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

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    Quality that!! :)
     
    #4644
    neveroffsidereff, Apr 24, 2019
    Taffvalerowdy and Wooperts_duck like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4645
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 24, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy and neveroffsidereff like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4646
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 24, 2019
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  7. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    #4647
    swantastic, Apr 24, 2019
    Taffvalerowdy and Wooperts_duck like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4648
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 24, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, swantastic and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4649
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 24, 2019
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Top tip..... Always drive in your dressing gown and slippers...

    If you cause a car crash, you can pose as a witness from a nearby house...
     
    #4650
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 24, 2019
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4651
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 24, 2019
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4652
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 24, 2019
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went for a job interview as a blacksmith.

    The boss said "Have you ever shoed a horse?"

    I said "No but I once told a donkey to f*ck off !
     
    #4653
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 24, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy, daimungeezer and 1 other person like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Due to an unfortunate spacing error while booking our holiday, I am now looking forward to a week on the Norfolk B roads.
     
    #4654
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 26, 2019
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4655
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 27, 2019
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  16. swanseaandproud

    swanseaandproud Well-Known Member

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    #4656
    swanseaandproud, Apr 27, 2019
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4657
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 28, 2019
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4658
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 28, 2019
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
    "I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.
    "O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife
    "No, no boyfriend either." "
    Do you have a partner then?"
    "No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."
    After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is “black"
    "Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black."
    "Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
    "Well, yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
    "Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
    "Well, yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
    At this the midwife again apologizes collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a smack on the asre. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank christ for that!"
    "What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
    "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark."
     
    #4659
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 28, 2019
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  20. swanseaandproud

    swanseaandproud Well-Known Member

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    #4660
    swanseaandproud, Apr 28, 2019
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