A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried. Next morning,not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow. Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed, dead and vultures circling overhead. The farmer runs out, looks down at the young roosters limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny bastard!" And the young rooster opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, Shhhh!,they are about to land."
Saw the worst mind reader ever last night.. Mind reader: "Think of a card, any card." Me: "OK" Mind reader: "Visualize it in your mind." Me: "OK" Mind reader: "Is it the Nine of Clubs?" Me: "No" Mind reader: "Ace of spades?" Me: "No" Mind reader: "What is it then?" Me: "Happy Birthday"...
A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club, so one day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. She proclaims, "I want to join your club." The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?" The little old lady replies, "Yep... my bike's parked over there," and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway. The biker asks, "Do you drink?" The little old lady replies, "Yep... drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table." The biker asks, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady replies, "Yep... smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple of cigars in the evening, while I'm shooting pool." The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question.... have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope......but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times." !
