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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4241
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 16, 2019
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4242
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 16, 2019
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4243
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 17, 2019
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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Hotel breakfast said they didn’t do beans on toast so I ordered the full English without bacon, sausage, tomato and mushroom
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    Not just a pretty face ay. Had to butter the toast and put the beans on top myself but it’s still a small victory for me nevertheless
     
    #4244
    kiwiqpr, Feb 17, 2019
  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4245
    kiwiqpr, Feb 17, 2019
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4246
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 17, 2019
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4247
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 17, 2019
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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4248
    kiwiqpr, Feb 18, 2019
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  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4249
    kiwiqpr, Feb 18, 2019
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  10. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

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    Hope the ****er rots in hell and dies a painful death after the interview I just saw of her.
     
    #4250
    neveroffsidereff, Feb 18, 2019
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4251
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 18, 2019
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4252
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 18, 2019
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A Romanian, an Arab and a Yorkshire lass are in the same bar in Leeds.

    > When the Romanian finishes his beer, he throws his glass into the air, pulls

    > out a pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He then says "In Romania, our

    > glass is so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice".

    > The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his non-alcoholic beer, throws

    > his glass in the air, pulls out his AK47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He

    > shouts out, "In the Arab world, we have so much sand to make glass, we also don't have to drink

    > with the same glass twice!"

    > The Yorkshire lass, cool as a cucumber, downs her pint of Tetley's in one

    > go, throws her glass into the air, whips out her shotgun and shoots the

    > Romanian and the Arab.

    > Catching her glass and setting it on the bar and calling for a refill says,

    > "In Yorkshire we 'ave so many bloody illegal immigrants, we don't 'ave to

    > drink wi' same ones twice!"
     
    #4253
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 18, 2019
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
    While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she
    asked "Is my time up?"
    God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
    Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
    face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had
    someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she
    had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
    After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing
    the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
    Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
    another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the
    ambulance?"
    (You'll love this)
    God replied: "I didn't recognise you."
     
    #4254
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 18, 2019
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4255
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 18, 2019
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4256
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 18, 2019
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I got really emotional in the Petrol station this morning.

    I don’t know why but I just started filling up.....
     
    #4257
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 18, 2019
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I bumped into the ex wife yesterday.

    I could have swerved but ....
     
    #4258
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 18, 2019
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Breaking news.....

    Reports are coming in of a huge explosion in a baking powder factory.

    Police are expecting casualties to rise.
     
    #4259
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 18, 2019
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife said that last night in bed I kept shouting out " My precious" and " The Orcs are coming ".

    Yes, I was Tolkein in my sleep !
     
    #4260
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 18, 2019
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