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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?
    The ultrasound guy.
     
    #4181
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    What about on his day off?
    The hip replacement guy.
     
    #4182
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
    daimungeezer, Taffvalerowdy, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    This bloke said to me, "I'm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar."
    I said, "Is that a fret?"....
     
    #4183
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
     
    #4184
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A lorry containing Vanish has crashed and shed it's load in Surrey.
    Police say Staines has completely disappeared.
     
    #4185
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I can’t believe it’s nearly pancake day again.
    Honestly, it just crêped up on me.
     
    #4186
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  7. swanseaandproud

    swanseaandproud Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #4187
    swanseaandproud, Feb 11, 2019
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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My mate went for a job clearing litter in the park. He asked if there was any training needed, they said no- he'd pick it up as he went along.
     
    #4188
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  9. swanseaandproud

    swanseaandproud Well-Known Member

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    #4189
    swanseaandproud, Feb 11, 2019
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  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4190
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I'm dating a girl from the zoo
    I think she's a keeper
     
    #4191
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Will Glass Coffins be a success?
    Remains to be seen.
     
    #4192
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I've written a book called 'How to be a Ladder Horder'.
    It's a step buy step buy step buy step guide.
     
    #4193
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I went to the swankiest burger van ever.
    It had 4 Michelin tyres.
     
    #4194
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I keep pictures of all my fights in a scrapbook.
     
    #4195
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    The optician asked if I could read the names on the chart
    Damon Albarn,
    Graham Coxon,
    Alex James,
    Dave Rowntree
    I said “it’s a bit blurry”
     
    #4196
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I quit my job working for Nike.
    Just couldn’t do it anymore.
     
    #4197
    kiwiqpr, Feb 11, 2019
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife came into my shed yesterday.

    "You're wasting your time and money on all these inventions!'' she said.

    It was at this point that the Slap-a-twat-automatic 3000 proved her wrong.
     
    #4198
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 12, 2019
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4199
    kiwiqpr, Feb 13, 2019
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  20. daimungeezer

    daimungeezer Well-Known Member

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    <laugh> Brilliant. Now where can I buy one?
     
    #4200
    daimungeezer, Feb 13, 2019
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