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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3841
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 10, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Government Contracts!

    Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken wall at 10 Downing Street. One from London, another from Bristol and the third, Liverpool. They go with a government official to examine the wall.
    The London contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. 'Well', he says, 'I figure the job will run about £900: £400 for materials, £400 for my crew and £100 profit for me.'
    The Bristol contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, I can do this job for £700: £300 for materials, £300 for my crew and £100 profit for me.'
    The Liverpool contractor doesn't measure or figure but leans over to the Government official and whispers, "£2,700."
    The official, incredulous, says, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'
    The Liverpool contractor whispers back, '£1000 for me, £1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Bristol to fix the wall.'
    'Done!' replies the government official.
    And that friends, ..... is how it all works.
     
    #3842
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 10, 2018
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3843
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 10, 2018
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3844
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 10, 2018
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3845
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 10, 2018
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3846
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2018
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • I went out for a meal last night and ordered everything in French.
    • I surprised everyone.
    • It was a Chinese Restaurant.
     
    #3847
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2018
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • A woman runs into a police station shouting, "Grape! Grape!"
    • The policeman says, "don"t you mean rape, madam?"
    • The woman says, "no, there were bunch of them!"
     
    #3848
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2018
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3849
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2018
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3850
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2018
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  11. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    48046725_10156803253768116_1692818281196421120_n.jpg
     
    #3851
    swantastic, Dec 11, 2018
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  12. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    Screenshot_20181211-084327.png
     
    #3852
    swantastic, Dec 11, 2018
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  13. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    #3853
    swantastic, Dec 11, 2018
  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    News
    Irish woman who married ghost of 300-year-old pirate says they have split up
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    BY: Gerard Donaghy
    December 09, 2018
    shares 186.8k
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    AN IRISH woman who married the ghost of a 300-year-old pirate claims the couple have split up.
    Amanda Teague, 46, from Drogheda, Co. Louth, married the Haitian pirate named Jack earlier this year.
    The wedding to her ‘soulmate’ took place on board a boat in international waters off the Irish coast.
    However the Irish Mirror reports the couple have called it a day after less than a year.
    Warning
    Advertisement
    Taking to social media, Amanda said: “So I feel it’s time to let everyone know that my marriage is over.
    “I will explain all in due course but for now all I want to say is be VERY careful when dabbling in spirituality, it’s not something to mess with.”
    The split is another blow for Jack, after he was purportedly executed for thieving on the high seas in the 1700s.
    Pirates of the Caribbean fan Amanda previously told The Irish Post how she spent £4,000 to look like Captain Jack Sparrow, Johnny Depp’s character in the film.
     
    #3854
    kiwiqpr, Dec 11, 2018
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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Before you mock children for believing in Father Christmas, just remember there are full grown adults who believe in Jeremy Corbyn
     
    #3855
    kiwiqpr, Dec 11, 2018
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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    "what the ****, Mary?"
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    #3856
    kiwiqpr, Dec 11, 2018
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #3857
    kiwiqpr, Dec 11, 2018
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  18. swanseaandproud

    swanseaandproud Well-Known Member

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    #3858
    swanseaandproud, Dec 11, 2018
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  19. swanseaandproud

    swanseaandproud Well-Known Member

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    #3859
    swanseaandproud, Dec 11, 2018
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  20. swanseaandproud

    swanseaandproud Well-Known Member

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    #3860
    swanseaandproud, Dec 11, 2018
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