I said to my Scouse mate "There's been a murder at Morrisons" He says "As der". I said "No. Morrisons , you thick twat".
got home from work to find my wife in bed with my mate. In a furious rage, I stabbed him to death. My wife said "Carry on like that and you'll have no friends left !"
Nasa's brand new Mars lander has sent back this first stunning image of the surface of the red planet, taken at the end of a terrifying journey. please log in to view this image
I bumped into an old mate of mine today. I said, "What are you doing these days?" He said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, drug addicts, piss heads and down and outs." I said, "Oh, are you working for the Salvation Army?" He said, "No. Wetherspoons!"
